So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
