i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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