Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
