i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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