You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
