I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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