Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
