Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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