we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
