JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize