Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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