hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
