I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
