That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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