Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
