had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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