roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
