Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
