just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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