Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
