I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
