I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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