I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize