What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
