I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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