I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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