Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
