Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
