Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
