talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
