i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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