The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
