did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
