How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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