does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
