I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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