Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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