so that wasnt chicken after all
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
