he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The air was thick with penises
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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