Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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