I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I love you. Go after that dick
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
