Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
