after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
