"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
