I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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