don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
