I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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