sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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