my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
