If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
