i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
