Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
and you fell through a lawn chair
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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