dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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