My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize