you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
