I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
