New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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