Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
