I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
