Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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