i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
