i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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