My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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