The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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