He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
