And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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